Marriage: Are You Making These 3 Common Marriage Mistakes? How to Bring Grace Back to Your 901 Home

Many couples struggle with communication reactivity, neglecting spiritual intimacy, and letting the "901 blur" of busy Memphis schedules crowd out their connection. Bringing grace back involves practicing forgiveness daily, choosing action over feelings, and centering your home on Christ-led covenant values rather than temporary emotions or convenience.

It’s easy to feel like you’re doing "fine" until you suddenly realize you and your spouse have become high-functioning roommates. Between the school runs in Cordova, the commute down I-40, and the never-ending list of home repairs, the "901 life" can move so fast that your marriage gets the leftovers of your energy. We often wait for a "feeling" of romance to strike before we act, but in a world that pulls us in a thousand directions, grace has to be a deliberate choice.

In Tennessee, recent statistics suggest a divorce rate of approximately 3 per 1,000 residents. While that's just a number, the stories behind those numbers often involve a slow drift rather than a sudden crash. At First Assembly Memphis, we believe marriage is a divine institution meant to flourish, not just survive. If you feel that drift happening, you aren't alone, and it is never too late to course-correct.

Mistake 1: The "Couch Potato" Intentions Trap

One of the most common mistakes is what we call being a "couch potato" in your relationship. You have good intentions. You want a great marriage. You think about being kind. But as our Pastor for Boundless Online outreach often reminds us, good intentions don't build great homes; actions do.

We often wait to feel "in love" before we act lovingly. We wait for our spouse to change before we soften our own hearts. This creates a standoff where both people are waiting for the other to "go first." In the Kingdom of God, we are called to go first.

When we take personal, positive, and persistent action, we gain insight into our spouse that we can’t get by just thinking about them. Action provides the clarity that feelings often cloud. If you wait for the feeling, you might wait forever. If you start the action, the feeling usually follows.

Mistake 2: Keeping a "901 Scoreboard"

Memphis is a city of grit and grind, and that mentality is great for our work ethic, but it can be toxic for our marriages. We start keeping a scoreboard: "I did the dishes three times this week," "I picked up the kids from FACS every day," or "I was the one who initiated the last three dates."

When you live by a scoreboard, grace leaves the building. Grace is, by definition, undeserved favor. When we keep score, we are living by "law" rather than "gospel." We are saying, "I will only love you as much as you earned today."

In the Assemblies of God tradition, we emphasize sanctification, the lifelong process of becoming more like Jesus. Part of that process is learning to tear up the scoreboard. A marriage built on a contract says, "I will if you will." A marriage built on a covenant says, "I will because He did."

Mistake 3: Neglecting the Spiritual "Center"

It sounds like a cliché until you experience the chaos of a home without a spiritual anchor. Many couples treat their faith like a hobby or a Sunday-morning-only commitment. They work on their finances, their fitness, and their kids' sports, but they leave their spiritual intimacy to chance.

When Jesus isn't at the center of the home, the "storms" of life, financial stress, health scares, or family drama, hit much harder. Without a shared spiritual foundation, every disagreement becomes a battle of wills rather than a shared search for God’s heart.

Centering your home doesn't mean you have to be a theologian. It means inviting the Holy Spirit into your daily frustrations. It means praying for your spouse more than you complain about them. It means acknowledging that you are both works in progress held together by a Savior who never gives up on you.

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Key Definitions for a Grace-Filled Home

Covenant: A sacred, life-long commitment modeled after God’s relationship with His people. Unlike a contract, which is based on mutual performance, a covenant is based on mutual promise and God's faithfulness.

Grace: Undeserved kindness and favor. In marriage, this looks like offering forgiveness and patience even when your spouse hasn't "earned" it, reflecting the way Christ treats us.

Sanctification: The ongoing work of the Holy Spirit in a believer’s life to make them more like Jesus. Marriage is often the "primary classroom" for this growth.

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Practical Steps to Bring Grace Back Today

Goal	Practical Action	901 Local Tip
Reconnect	15 minutes of "business-free" talk daily.	Take a walk at Shelby Farms or sit on your porch in Bartlett.
Reset	Name one thing you appreciate about them out loud.	Send it in a text while they're at work in Downtown Memphis.
Refocus	Pray together for 2 minutes before bed.	Use the FA Memphis Prayer and Praise page for inspiration.
Repair	Practice a "Soft Start-up" to conflict.	Start with "I feel" instead of "You always."

The Power of "Going First"

If you’re reading this and thinking, "This sounds great, but you don't know my spouse," remember the principle of the "First Mover." You cannot control your spouse's heart, but you have full authority over your own actions through the power of the Holy Spirit.

When one person in a marriage shifts from "What am I getting?" to "How can I serve?", the entire atmosphere of the home begins to change. It isn't about being a doormat; it's about being a disciple. It's about building your house on the Rock so that when the rains come, and they always come, your home stands firm.

Whether you live in Arlington, Collierville, or right here in the heart of Memphis, your marriage is the most important ministry you will ever have. Don't let the mistakes of yesterday define the potential of your tomorrow.

Life Takeaway

Marriage is not a fictional storybook; it is a divine institution that requires intentional, persistent action. Feelings are the caboose, not the engine. If you lead with action and grace, the feelings of connection and joy will follow. Put Jesus at the center, tear up the scoreboard, and start building on a foundation that can weather any storm.

Are you ready to take the first step toward a grace-filled home today?

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Want to go deeper?

If you're in Memphis, Cordova, Arlington, Bartlett, or the 901, we would love to welcome you in person this Sunday. We have vibrant ministries for the whole family and a community ready to walk with you: 🌐 www.famemphis.org

If you're outside the Memphis area or unable to attend locally, join our global online community for discipleship and care: 🌐 www.boundlessonlinechurch.org

Need prayers? Text us day or night at 1-901-213-7341. (Note: This line is for prayer and pastoral support, not emergency services. If you are in immediate danger or need urgent help, please call 911.)

You are not alone. We are here for you.