Making Time for Loved Ones: Asking for What You Need During the Holidays (and Saying Yes When You Can)

The holiday season brings a beautiful contradiction: we long to connect deeply with family and friends, yet we often feel overwhelmed by expectations, schedules, and the pressure to make everything perfect. At First Assembly Memphis and Boundless Online Church, we believe that thriving during the holidays isn't about choosing between self-care and showing up for others, it's about finding the Christ-centered balance that allows us to do both authentically.

As Layne McDonald, our Assimilation and Retention Director, often reminds us, "The holidays are a gift from God to strengthen our relationships, but we need wisdom to navigate them well." Whether you're planning to visit family in Cordova, Tennessee, or connecting with loved ones from afar through our Boundless Online community, these principles can help you create meaningful, peaceful holiday experiences.

Understanding the Holiday Heart

The holidays present unique opportunities and challenges. We're brought together with extended family, different generations, and people we may only see once a year. This closeness can surface old wounds and create stress, but it also offers precious chances to strengthen bonds and create lasting memories that honor God and our relationships.

Rather than viewing the holidays as something to simply survive, we can approach them with intentionality, caring for ourselves while remaining open to the joy that family connections can bring. This isn't about being perfect; it's about being present and purposeful.

Asking for What You Need: Healthy Boundaries as an Act of Love

Communicate with Clarity and Grace

Setting boundaries isn't selfish, it's stewarding the energy and emotional capacity God has given you. When you clearly communicate your needs, you're actually serving your family better because you're showing up as your authentic self rather than a stressed, overwhelmed version.

Start conversations early about holiday logistics. If you're traveling to be with family, discuss expectations beforehand. Where will you stay? How will you balance group activities with personal downtime? What topics feel too sensitive to navigate during limited family time? These conversations might feel awkward initially, but they prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings later.

At First Assembly Memphis, we've seen how honest communication strengthens relationships rather than weakening them. When you take care of your own needs, you're able to love others more genuinely.

Plan Your Presence Intentionally

Consider your energy and schedule realistically. If you work in Cordova and need time off to visit family, don't wait until the last minute to make requests. Plan ahead and communicate your needs to your employer with plenty of notice. Remember, asking for what you need isn't demanding, it's planning wisely.

If family members are visiting you, decide in advance how much hosting you can handle. It's okay to suggest restaurant meals instead of cooking everything yourself. It's okay to plan some activities outside your home. It's okay to ask visiting family to help with preparations or cleanup.

Maintain Your Spiritual Rhythms

Don't abandon the practices that keep you grounded in Christ just because it's the holidays. Whether that means continuing your morning quiet time, attending church services (join us at famemphis.org for service times, or connect with Boundless Online Church from anywhere), or maintaining your prayer routine, these spiritual anchors will help you navigate family dynamics with more patience and wisdom.

Saying Yes When You Can: Opening Your Heart to Connection

Embrace Imperfect Moments

The most meaningful holiday memories often happen in unplanned moments, the late-night conversation with a cousin, the impromptu game with the kids, the quiet moment of prayer before dinner. When you're not overwhelmed by your own unmet needs, you're more available to notice and say yes to these opportunities.

Practice flexible thinking. Not every disagreement needs to be addressed during holiday visits. Not every tradition needs to be maintained exactly as it was. When you approach family time with openness rather than rigid expectations, you create space for new traditions and deeper connections to emerge.

Create Space for Individual Connections

Large family gatherings can feel overwhelming, but they also provide opportunities for one-on-one connections that might not happen otherwise. Say yes to the invitation to help with dishes, it might become a meaningful conversation with your sister-in-law. Accept the offer to take a walk with your dad. These individual moments often become the heart of holiday memories.

At Boundless Online Church, we understand that meaningful connection sometimes happens in small, quiet ways rather than large group settings. The same principle applies to family gatherings.

Practice Active Presence

When you do say yes to family activities, be fully present. Put away your phone during conversations. Listen actively instead of planning what you'll say next. Ask genuine questions about what's happening in your relatives' lives. These practices transform ordinary interactions into opportunities for deeper connection.

Balancing Work and Family During the Holiday Season

Advocate for Your Family Time

If you need time off work to visit family or host relatives, don't apologize for asking, plan strategically. Request time off well in advance, offer to help train temporary coverage for your responsibilities, and communicate clearly about your availability during your time away.

Remember that your family relationships are a priority worth advocating for. Whether your family is across the country or right here in Cordova, Tennessee, the time you invest in these relationships during the holidays creates lasting impact.

Set Boundaries Around Work During Family Time

If possible, establish clear boundaries around work communication during family visits. Let colleagues know you'll be unavailable except for true emergencies. Consider setting specific times to check messages rather than being constantly available.

Your family deserves your presence, not just your physical attendance while you're mentally at work. This boundary isn't just good for your family, it's good for your own well-being and helps you return to work refreshed rather than guilty about divided attention.

Finding Support in Christian Community

Connect Before You Go

Whether you attend First Assembly Memphis in person or participate in Boundless Online Church from afar, connect with your faith community before traveling for the holidays. Share prayer requests about family dynamics you're concerned about. Ask for wisdom about how to handle difficult relatives with grace. Let your community pray for you and offer encouragement.

Stay Connected While You're Away

If you're traveling during the holidays, remember that Boundless Online Church is designed specifically to help you stay connected to faith community regardless of your physical location. Join online services, participate in digital small groups, or simply reach out for prayer support when family stress feels overwhelming.

Our online platform exists specifically to break down geographical barriers to spiritual community. Use it during the holidays to maintain your connection to Christ-centered support and encouragement.

When Holidays Feel Lonely or Overwhelming

You're Not Alone

The holidays can intensify feelings of loneliness, especially if you've lost family members, live far from relatives, or struggle with difficult family relationships. First Assembly Memphis and Boundless Online Church want you to know that you have a spiritual family ready to surround you with love and support.

Consider spending holidays serving others who might also feel lonely, volunteering at local shelters, visiting nursing homes, or simply reaching out to neighbors who might be alone. Sometimes saying yes to serving others helps us feel more connected and purposeful during emotionally difficult seasons.

Seek Support When You Need It

If family dynamics become truly toxic or harmful, it's okay to limit your participation. Protecting your emotional and spiritual well-being isn't selfish, it's wise stewardship. Reach out to trusted friends, pastors, or counselors for support in navigating these difficult decisions.

Creating New Traditions That Honor Christ

Focus on What Really Matters

The most meaningful holiday traditions center around gratitude, generosity, and celebrating Christ's birth. Whether you're with biological family or chosen family, focus activities around these core values. Share what you're grateful for from the past year. Find ways to serve others together. Read the Christmas story and talk about what Christ's birth means for your family.

Include Everyone in Planning

When possible, involve all family members in planning holiday activities. This inclusion helps everyone feel valued and invested in celebrations. Be willing to blend old traditions with new ones that fit your current family situation.

Document the Good Moments

Take photos, but also be intentional about creating space for gratitude and reflection. Consider keeping a family journal during holiday visits where everyone can write something they're thankful for or a favorite memory from your time together.

Moving Forward with Grace and Wisdom

The holidays will never be perfect, and that's okay. The goal isn't flawless family gatherings, it's authentic connection rooted in Christ's love. When you ask for what you need and say yes when you can, you create space for God to work in your relationships.

Remember that you can't control other people's reactions or behaviors, but you can control your own responses. Choose grace over grudges. Choose presence over perfection. Choose love over being right.

At First Assembly Memphis and Boundless Online Church, we're here to support you through every season of life, including the complex beauty of holiday family time. Whether you're celebrating in Cordova, Tennessee, or connecting with us online from across the globe, you have a spiritual community ready to encourage you, pray for you, and remind you that your identity is secure in Christ, not in how smoothly your holiday gatherings go.

This Christmas season, may you find the courage to ask for what you need and the grace to say yes when you can. May your holidays be filled with authentic connection, Christ-centered joy, and the peace that comes from knowing you're loved exactly as you are.

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First Assembly Memphis welcomes you to join us at 8650 Walnut Grove Road, Cordova, Tennessee 38018, or connect with Boundless Online Church wherever you are. For more information about our holiday services and online community, visit www.famemphis.org or call 901-843-8600. Email us at info@famemphis.net. We're here for you this holiday season and beyond.